L I F E

life isn't always about the big things. It doesn't revolve around you or even other people but rather things. it knocks you down hard when you least expect it and makes you sad when you're the happiest. it makes you want something sooo bad that it hurts. it makes you not sleep late at night thinking random thoughts and living in your own world. life isn't about who you hang out with, who's the most popular or the prettiest. it isn't limited to the people around you. it's about someone who can intimidate you to a point of admiration. it's about finding your faults and correcting them before anyone else has the chance to do so. it's not about the guys you liked, the girls who bitched about you, or the people who couldn't care less. life is about waiting for that one day when it all falls together, when everything makes sense, when you realize the reason for all that shit, all that drama, all those tears, and all that laughter. it's not about how many rumors were spread or how many times you were asked out. it's not even about how rich you are. it's about the people who admire you for being YOU. it's about the crazy things you did that almost killed you but were worth it. it's about sitting in your room at 11pm and crying on the phone with your best friend. it's about laughing at a joke FIVE hours after it was told. life is when you do stuff that have nothing in them for you, when you do stuff because you know that that's what you're supposed to do. Life isn't about putting others before you but rather, with you. it's not about the blue skies and the shiny sun. it's about the rainbows that come after the cloudy skies and blurry rains. life is when you see a homeless person and it just kills you. it's not about just giving them money and walking away. life is about people who want to change the world. not the ones who merely declare so. life is about doing mistakes, having regrets, and learning your lessons but it's not about being risk-free for the fear of mistakes or pretending that you dont wish you could turn back time or repeating ur actions. life is when you look at the more simpler things and get lost in a world far far away. it's not about watching a movie and pretending you were in it. life isn't about dreaming. it's about making those dreams a reality. life isn't about giving yourself up for the people you love because if those people love you too, then they already have a part of you with them, always. life is not a straight tunnel with a light at the end. it's a crazy roller coaster and when it comes to an end, leaves you dizzy and faint but happy nonetheless. life is about the stupid things you do that leave you wondering what the hell you were thinking when you did them. life isn't about doing those things and then trying to cover them up. life is about the good times mostly but also the sad, exciting, mad, crazy, stupid, and unbelievable times. it's when the good blends into the bad, the crazy blends into the stupid, the love blends into the friendship and they all come together to form something called L I F E.

backkk!!!

whoa...its been a while since ive written in this thing...like way back at the time of finals...dec 16 was my mom's bday. and i baked a cake. and it didnt work out. so that career choice is out the window. and then christmas break was soooo absoloutely relaxing. mostly because i didnt do anything. and was super lazy and watched too many movies...like munna bhai mbbs which is my all time favorite..and the fiftieth time i watched it. i also watched heyy baby, om shanthi om, jab we met, Goal, aaja nachle, and Taare Zameen Par....yeaa im so up to date on hindi ones..but not really telugu...im not really digging tollywood anymore..weird..but have to say about taare zameen par...there's no other way to describe that movie: B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. it made me cry like a baby...esp. the part where the kid wins the art competition and hugs aamir...omg sob sob tear cry....it's my favorite!!!!! i am soo in love with that movie.....and it made me fall in love with aamir khan....i never used to think about him much before..he was just a watever actor but not anymore...and to think that this was his directorial debut...cant wait for more!

and then january came. oh yea now its over too but....it was a weird month...just going with the flow sort of month. re-connected with hiba though which im pretty happy about....i spoke to her last sunday and then monday, tuesday, wednesday. i talked to her for three hours on wednesday and the only reason we stopped was because my phone ran out of battery. haha...she was my bff in sixth grade....it was fun though...but found out random stuff about her life that i really still cant get over...the stuff she told me. and also re-connected with Prashanth through Hiba....haha..she gave me his phone number...wow.....
i feel sick. maybe it was all the putnalu i ate. crap.
and math test tommorrow.
and history project due wednesday....why the hell did i get the worst group in the world? the dude in my group is like some japanese weirdo who refuses to talk to me. seriously. he just sits there while im assigning tasks. and the girl omg dont even get me started on stupid she is. i mean, she introduced herself to the whole class as "Princess"....so not kidding. this is high school not kindergarten. wtf. and she is the sort of person who doesnt do ANYTHING. at all. we're gonna get an F....i hate lifeeeee.....and i hate being in charge and doing all the work. hate it hate it. HATE IT. and now i have to go study some more. oh greatttt.

OMFG it's Hanisha

me heart saravana bhavan

i am in love with saravana bhavan. it has the best vegetarian food ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG....yea cause i went there last night...and i ate a channa batura.haha...okk..and i found out that my server's name was Shiva. it was my "proud moment" as stupid as that sounds. actually i dont think thats what its called but whatever..cause i was looking at the bill and it said "Server:Shiva" and i started laughing like a maniac. and my parents looked at me like i was a maniac. i remember the last time we went to saravana bhavan, it was my family and shravya's. and before that, it was my family, shravya's, my cousin's, and a whole lot of other people...and yea...but the food there is sooooooo goood...even though it's all tiffins and thaalis and that's all, they'still good. and all the servers there are like college students i think...like they're doing part-time jobs to pay for college or rent or whatever...that is the only indian restaurant that has college-age-ish servers and the servers eat after their shift. and i know this because everytime we go there, we stay till the closing time of 10:00 and we see the servers sitting at the back eating their thaali. yea...its soo amusing and interesting. it really is. and kinda hilarious....... :)
anndddd...going to saravana bhavan yesterday made me decide which i liked better: chilli's or applebee's. because of the whole servers issue. yes both the restaurants have high school/college age servers but i think the servers at applebee's are so much nicer. like they actually mean it when they smile and not just do it for the pay. yeaa so i was reallly happy that i finally made THAT decision thanks to the best veggie restaurant.
that makes me realize how only at the america restaurants, the waiters and waitresses greet you when you arrive and smile and say "hello. my name is weirdo. what can i get for you guys tonight?" NO ONE in indian restaurants does that. they just put the menus down and disappear and appear again to take the order all without managing to say a single word. well, atleast that's how it was with Shiva last night.
ohh so i was just looking at the bill and Shiva comes and stands next to me and i didn't notice so the bill is still in my hand and after i think a million years, he said "M'am, can i take that please?" and i hand it to him and start laughing. i seriously have no idea why. i laugh at such random times, it's soo awkward. jeez..hahahaha....i bet Shiva thought i was a retard.

--OMFG it's Hanisha

Late night deep talks :D

spoke to sai late monday night. and got a huuuuge lecture. on everything. called her to talk about the drama that is currently my life and all the other shit and she replied by telling me to shut up and listen to her. which is what i ended up doing. and she lectured me about how i have no confidence, so self-esteem, and keep degrading myself. and then proceeded to tell me that a frikkin B in chem and math wouldnt kill me and i will still get into the UC colleges because taking chem honors and alg 2/trig at the same time is the worst combination on earth. wish i could believe that. and then she told me to stop whining. haha. i know i whine a lot. like, A LOT. i think during the tennis season, while we were changing in the locker room, shravya once told me "hanisha. stop whining." too. so im gonna try to be more cheerful, more happy and less whiny. =)
and then we talked about how innocent i was in 7th grade. i really was. i wouldn't even say "stupid" and then come 8th grade and hema and shruti corrupted me. so we talked about that and the notebooks!!! unforgettable memories. and that whole conversation really made me realize how much i had changed as a person.
7th grade: shy and innocent
8th grade: super crazy, super retarded, and in my own world
9th grade: a whole learning experience and making mistakes and learning about true friendship
10th grade: just realizing how bad those mistakes actually were. and whining about them and being depressed and sad. most of this year was whining actually. haha.

but i changed so frikking much. maybe for the better, maybe for the worse. think i learnt some stuff along the way, maybe even became more mature(which is impossible), and just in general became more aware of everything. made more complicated decisions that i really didn't want to make but was forced to. realized what life was.


--Hanisha

Shravya this is for you:

Note: this is more like a post for shravya, no one else. so u can read it but doesn't make sense. and shravya, yea i know you're still stalking me and you will continue to do so till the end of time. no matter how boring i become so read this as you probably will:

so shravya came over last night. for pav bajji. haha. it was weird. and she is so weird. and it was a weird night. sort of. talked about christmas presents. and sweet 16s. didnt talk about any of the stuff we usually do during our late night talks during her late night visits. kinda sucked. but then again, it was my doing. but hey shrav, just want u to know, missed them. and u. =(
but i guess it all happened for the best. anyways, thanks for destroying my ghagra which im not gonna wear to shailu aunty's house on new year's. and im not gonna wear that langa voni you saw either. most probably PJs like you would want me to =) and im still get the best dressed unless you wear the crap you bought from india this summer. and WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU LIVED FRIKKING DOWN THE STREET FROM TARUNI????? i would have come stalked you and hung out with your cousins. you are such a l-o-s-e-r. Taruni....but u can still come with me next summer..never withdrew that offer...so we can go to kalamandir and hunt down the fair and oh-so-pretty girl* you were talking about... :)

ps: six pavs? SIX? pig :P

i was sad last night.
so i wrote a few poems.
5. or maybe 6.
in the dark.
without the lights.
me. my pen. a notebook.
sitting on the bed.
in the dark, pitch black room.
i might have written over each line.
i couldn't tell. i couldn't see.
i think they were good poems.
intense. emotional. deep.
i don't remember.
i tore them up, you see.

o.m.g. d-e-a-d. DEAD AS A DEAD MONKEY

sooooooo.....
i took my chem final today.


i just have one question: WHY ME??????

seriously. why me?